It is only human to want to improve. (Is, it :/ ?)

Upbrought in a competitive and survival mode dominant surrounding, I have always coveted the quality of being smart. Smart in the sense of higher processing speed, higher memory, higher bandwidth, and quick switching speed. During the formal education years, from school to college to undergrad, focus on each aspect of “intelligence” has been different. In school, being memory was impressed upon a lot more, and being quick came in as the second quality. Following in class was easy, trivial. Being ahead of class was easy.

In college/coaching, everything changed, all of a sudden. You had to switch between 3 classes daily (P,C,M). But you could self-study everything on your own- say study chemistry this week, physice next, math last, or, switch subjects daily. There was no imminent need. Only the drive to excel in the exam that was to happen 2 years later. This gives opportunity to slow learners like myself. We tend to procrastinate on switching subjects, and tend to dive deep in one subject. Even so, the learning is not as good as someone who is really really smart, does all 3 subjects everyday and follows classes everyday. Following class became difficult, you could know what you are good at, and paying attention for longer hours became incresingly important as we had 2 hour long lectures instead of 30 minutes ones in school.

In undergrad, things changed again. You had to do a ton of subjects together. Fast learning and one shot learning is the most important quality. There is little avenue for pattern seeking like in college. I struggled quite a bit, since there was no teacher to bank on, but yourself. There was no spoon to be fed. The courses changed every 4 months. Things happened fast. Things became complex, deep and surface level at the same time. I dont understand what exams at IIT test. One can understand all concepts, still it is enough to create the most beautiful skewed gaussian normal curve or marks. You are defined by a mean. You have a standard deviation too. High mean low sigma is preferred. It gives you the AA grade. But then what? One day it is all gone. You come in defined the digits in your roll number and graduate with the number of zeroes in your package.

As I struggled to keep up with the intelligence that a succesful undergrad needs, I focused on what I liked, and was decent at: long term memory with just enough recall, a strong willing sense to connect the dots across concepts, and battling the depths of concepts, like your average slow learner. During the SEMIX talks at IITB, the most important skill in a professor in the audience was evident- no matter what your background is, your bandwitdth, breadth knowledge should help you connect stuff presented by folks. You should be a quick learner to spot the nitty-gritties of the presentation (this one is what separates the men from the boys).

Then came the PhD phase, where going in depths of one thing is easy. Going in breadths of all things is what a fast learner can do faster than an average Joe, so whenever I see someone making a conversation easily with anyone else in a conference/meeting/talk, I see a quick learner. AI certainly helps me to visualize things I want to learn, be resourceful and know resources that are difficult to find. But I have lost the ability to do code and fo math, completely. However, during this PhD phase, I still struggle internally with my enduring facsination with becoming smart one day. Till date, I fail everyday in realizing my dream. I believe familiarity beats every other quality eventually, (this cope is true).

But first and foremost, interest and motivation is imminent. Well neuroplasticity can improve some things, maybe I cannot be any good, like Will Hunting (intended wordplay), but I can be a better than average J~oe~ ay. Hitting 25 and realizing your brain frontal cortex is developed makes you write the tomfoolery like above.